you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
