dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
