that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
