Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
