i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
