So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
