I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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