Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
