i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
