my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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