census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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