I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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