her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
