Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
