I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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