Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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