Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Boobs are out for the taking
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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