there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
