Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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