meet me or not, i'm out of control
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
