Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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