I should be sponsored by Trojan
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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