There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
