cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
