girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
