Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
