I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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