ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize