did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
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What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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