My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
