I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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