So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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