First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize