I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
