Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
