Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
