I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it's great music for shaving your balls
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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