he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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