the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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