What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
