I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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