Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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