yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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