I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
