I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
