Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
