Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
