Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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