Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
