You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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