you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
