I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
