ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize