apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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