is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
