There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
