Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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