Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
