I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
