I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Im part way to drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
