Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
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Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
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Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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