I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
