just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
