Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.