I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?