This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
