Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
