I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Terrible idea I love it
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
