thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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