Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
