My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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