i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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