Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
