my mouth tastes like poor choices
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
