Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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