I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
