I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
