Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
